I liked in the beginning what Sita said about worrying. As Americans we are always trying to find that right person to spend th rest of our lives with and not enjoying growing up. Sita said that with arranged marriages the worrying and figurings are up to the parents. The worrying includes looks, family reputation, personality, ability to adjust to new living situations, etc. While Serena Nanda questioned the idea of arranged marriages, she herself tried to help establish one and had quite an exhausting time.
In the beginning of this article, I found it interesting that Sita did have a justification as to why arranged marriages are essentially "better". Sita said, "I must let my parents choose a boy for me. My marriage is too important to be arranged by such an inexperienced person as myself. In such matters it is better to have my parents' guidance." I do agree with the fact that our parents are very influential on relationships established with significant others, but I do believe that two people should get to know each other and fall in love before marrying. I think it is very important for two people to learn as much as possible about each other over an extended period of time before getting into a serious relationship and possibly at some point marriage. I find it interesting that arranged marriages in India have been established for years and years, and most of the individuals in these relationships "make it work". I do not think that I could marry someone I did not know, or love. I would also have a very hard time adjusting to the fact that I did not have any say in who I wanted to marry, and the decision would be ONLY up to my parents. I believe my parents know what is best for me the majority of the time and they know me better than anyone else, but marriage is something special shared between to people (not the parents of the two individuals). The parents of both individuals should be involved in the process of marriage, but should not be the final judges of who is best for their daughter(s).
I found the points that Sita made about marriages very interesting. She seems very happy with an arranged marriage because she was able to just live her life and then be married when the time comes. My dad went to India a few years back and one of his taxi drivers was telling him about how he was about to have an arranged marriage. He was excited about it, but new technologies such as picture messaging allow people to sneak a peak at what their future spouse looks like.
All in all, there is nothing wrong with arranged marriages. In fact, some could argue that it is better because it keeps families together and encourages strong family values because without a good family history it is hard to find their child a spouse
This article made points about arranged marriage that I had never thought about before. I had never thought about it taking the stress off the children. Although the article had many strong points in support of arranged marriage, I still feel that finding your own spouse is best. I know my parents would want what was best for me, but our definitions of that could be different!
This article was very interesting in contrasting the ways that Indians and Americans look at marriage. It made me start to consider, what changed over time to form these two cultures? I do see how in Americans sometimes fail to grasp what is truly important in marriage. It's interesting putting the views on marriage along side the video that we watched with the California family with the New Guinea tribe. We focus much more on the physical and the "needs" we think we have rather than what is better for us and our families.
This article definitely laid out arranged marriages in a new light for me. The point of not having to worry about finding someone yourself was kind of appealing, as was the point about keeping self esteem as opposed to the constant competition. Still, I don't think the waiting for indefinite lengths of time is so different from searching for yourself really. And I wonder if some families fail to arrange marriages for the children, and what the repercussions of that are.
When I first started reading this article, I could relate very much with the author when she said that she would be rebellious if her parents arranged for her to marry someone. That would be my attitude as well. But also as she pointed out, we are Americans and the thought of an arranged marriage is beyond the scope of our culture. I also thought that women who were in arranged marriages were uneducated and brought up just to marry someone of their parents choosing. But Sita has a degree and is very smart, and she still thought arranged marriage was the best course of action. Obviously, I had many misconceptions about arranged marrigage and this article proved me wrong. It was just fascinating to me that the children want to have an arranged marriage because they belive that their parents can make a better match for them than they can.
I understand that, in India, where family ties and connections are so important, that arranged marriages are both practical and convenient. However, I do find some flaws in the article's argument for why arranged marriage is a good system. First, the fact that divorce rates in India are low is probably misleading. I suspect that the cultural stigma attached to divorce plays just as big a role in preventing divorce as does love or affection between spouses. Secondly, I'm sure there are many, "intelligent, young Indian people" who have views of arranged marriage that contrast with those articulated by Sita and the others. My main argument against arranged marriage in this day and age revolves around India's political status as a democracy. How can the principles of democracy hold up when individuals are not even allowed to pick their own spouses? I also wonder how long this tradition will continue in India in the face of industrialization and many economic changes.
I think a lot of our views of arranged marriages stem from ethnocentrism. We tend to view it as oppressive, and we don’t fail to see the positive aspects of why it remains an important part of Indian culture. Like the article said, parents don’t force their children into the marriages. They can refuse because a person is “objectionable,” and another partner will be sought. I found it interesting that men and women have very little social interactions with each other. That would make it somewhat difficult to form a marriage based on love like we do here. Sita’s view of American culture also surprised me, and it make me think about how much time we really do spend trying to be attractive for potential partners. In India, the worrying is left for the parents. I also liked what she said about the need for romance and mystery. I think it is possible in America for us to know our partners too well. The romantic aspects can fade over time, and I think that’s a major reason for divorce. I’ve heard many people say that they love each other, but they want the marriage to end because they’re no longer “in love.” The article also made me think about the role my parents play in my relationships. Though my marriage won’t be arranged in the way that marriages are arranged in India, if my parents aren’t supportive of the relationship, it won’t last long regardless of how we feel about each other. It would be interesting to see how Sita's views match up with other people in the process of having their marriages arranged.
This article gave me new insights on why arranged marriage is so important in India. I had always thought it was just tradition and had no clue the process was so long and precise. However, hearing all of the young women's reasoning, it makes sense that arranged marriages work. I knew that the families are a big part of arranged marriages, yet reading the process the author's friend went through, I know now exactly how serious and important every aspect is. It was very interesting that this process does take so long. While this may not always be the case, thinking about all of the factors that go into an arranged marriage, it seems reasonable that this process takes time.
I loved reading this article. I felt just as Nanda did in the beginning about arranged marriages but as her fried Sita told her why, it made a lot of sense. As the search for a wife began, i didn't think it would be easy but I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was. Whenever Nanda went out to find a match, it felt like this could be turned into a reality game show. I was eager just as she was to see if she would "win" and find that right match for the son. I think I'd really like to participate in helping a family find a match for their son or daughter.
As an American, my natural reaction is to cringe at the thought of arranged marriages, but Sita's perspective in this article shed some light on the process of arranging marriages that I didn't understand previously. She says that the adults account for things that many individuals who chose their own spouses are searching for, such as personality, looks, financial status, and ability to adapt to new situations. The parents who arrange the marriages want their children to have spouses that the children will match well with, and they seem to make decisions based on their personal knowledge of their sons and daughters and how they would best fit with prospective significant others. Although I still wouldn't want my parents choosing a husband for me, I certainly would want their approval so I can understand the trust that Sita feels towards her parents and her confidence that they are choosing a spouse that will be the best match for her. Whether or not the parents seem to have the child's interests or their own interests in mind when making the decision would most likely be an indicator of how sucessful a stratetgy arranged marriages are.
I really enjoyed this article and have a new and profound appreciation for how the people of India feel about marriage and the commitment they show in finding a marriage partner. The author allowed me to travel through the processes of finding a wife for a son for her friend Sita and the years of evaluation and consideration of all the possible mates in that final marriage. It is very interesting how we as Americans could learn from this process and the consideration of the person, family, income and harmony attributes that go into making that final decision. The author is right as an American women, I would be screaming and kicking if my parents controlled who I married, but than again if they did would I have not chosen my first spouse and prevented a horrible divorce. We see marriage as what can you do for me and not what can I bring to the marriage. In the article it was interesting that the young men and women in India do not date or have have a social life of members of the opposite sex. The thought of getting to know someone after you are married is contrary to the way we see marriage. Harmony and reputation seemed to be key in India whereas money and occupation seems to be ours. The view that India sees American marriages is correct unfortunately, we divorce and remarrying in months sometimes without regards to the total impact on our immediate family and social ties that the marriage had. As we have discovered the more you are like your spouse the better your chances at success in that marriage. India has made finding a mate, a fine art for apprecation.
I also enjoyed Nanda's change of heart about arranged marriages. When she allowed her American cultural eyes to be removed and seemingly replaced by the realities of Indian culture, she was allowed to see the positivity of arranged marriage. The author not only understood why arranged marriages exist within Indian culture, but she began to praise arranged marriages of traditional American marriages, which I chiefly appreciated. I enjoy that Nanda enjoyed another culture's practice over her own, and even participated within the system by playing matchmaker.
Hi every one, I am very happy to contact to Shaadimeri why because they had provide quality Matrimony,Shaadi, Marriage,Matrimonial,wedding planner services are good and superb and excellent. best matrimonial sites in india
Actually, i had found the bitter taste in arrange marriage looking about others life though i am Nepali. But after reading the essay i found strong points which proved me Wrong. People are really happy in maximum number who are arrange married. Love marriage is just happy for moment or short period of time and they get divorced. But i have also seen most of the people who have done arrange marriage are for long . Their children are much more happy. This essay have also some points which made me disagree that there is no chance to know their spouse before their marriage. Though what Sita in essay did is great and a strong point to show a good example for arrange marriage is the best rather than love marriage. Because only our parents are experienced about life and have understood us rather than all other. So, Obviously our parents can choose the perfect partner for us seeking the religion , castes, education , and all other necessary for healthy and happy life. Though it may take long time to seek for.
I liked in the beginning what Sita said about worrying. As Americans we are always trying to find that right person to spend th rest of our lives with and not enjoying growing up. Sita said that with arranged marriages the worrying and figurings are up to the parents. The worrying includes looks, family reputation, personality, ability to adjust to new living situations, etc. While Serena Nanda questioned the idea of arranged marriages, she herself tried to help establish one and had quite an exhausting time.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning of this article, I found it interesting that Sita did have a justification as to why arranged marriages are essentially "better". Sita said, "I must let my parents choose a boy for me. My marriage is too important to be arranged by such an inexperienced person as myself. In such matters it is better to have my parents' guidance." I do agree with the fact that our parents are very influential on relationships established with significant others, but I do believe that two people should get to know each other and fall in love before marrying. I think it is very important for two people to learn as much as possible about each other over an extended period of time before getting into a serious relationship and possibly at some point marriage. I find it interesting that arranged marriages in India have been established for years and years, and most of the individuals in these relationships "make it work". I do not think that I could marry someone I did not know, or love. I would also have a very hard time adjusting to the fact that I did not have any say in who I wanted to marry, and the decision would be ONLY up to my parents. I believe my parents know what is best for me the majority of the time and they know me better than anyone else, but marriage is something special shared between to people (not the parents of the two individuals). The parents of both individuals should be involved in the process of marriage, but should not be the final judges of who is best for their daughter(s).
ReplyDeleteI found the points that Sita made about marriages very interesting. She seems very happy with an arranged marriage because she was able to just live her life and then be married when the time comes. My dad went to India a few years back and one of his taxi drivers was telling him about how he was about to have an arranged marriage. He was excited about it, but new technologies such as picture messaging allow people to sneak a peak at what their future spouse looks like.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, there is nothing wrong with arranged marriages. In fact, some could argue that it is better because it keeps families together and encourages strong family values because without a good family history it is hard to find their child a spouse
This article made points about arranged marriage that I had never thought about before. I had never thought about it taking the stress off the children. Although the article had many strong points in support of arranged marriage, I still feel that finding your own spouse is best. I know my parents would want what was best for me, but our definitions of that could be different!
ReplyDeleteThis article was very interesting in contrasting the ways that Indians and Americans look at marriage. It made me start to consider, what changed over time to form these two cultures? I do see how in Americans sometimes fail to grasp what is truly important in marriage. It's interesting putting the views on marriage along side the video that we watched with the California family with the New Guinea tribe. We focus much more on the physical and the "needs" we think we have rather than what is better for us and our families.
ReplyDeleteThis article definitely laid out arranged marriages in a new light for me. The point of not having to worry about finding someone yourself was kind of appealing, as was the point about keeping self esteem as opposed to the constant competition. Still, I don't think the waiting for indefinite lengths of time is so different from searching for yourself really. And I wonder if some families fail to arrange marriages for the children, and what the repercussions of that are.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first started reading this article, I could relate very much with the author when she said that she would be rebellious if her parents arranged for her to marry someone. That would be my attitude as well. But also as she pointed out, we are Americans and the thought of an arranged marriage is beyond the scope of our culture. I also thought that women who were in arranged marriages were uneducated and brought up just to marry someone of their parents choosing. But Sita has a degree and is very smart, and she still thought arranged marriage was the best course of action. Obviously, I had many misconceptions about arranged marrigage and this article proved me wrong. It was just fascinating to me that the children want to have an arranged marriage because they belive that their parents can make a better match for them than they can.
ReplyDeleteI understand that, in India, where family ties and connections are so important, that arranged marriages are both practical and convenient. However, I do find some flaws in the article's argument for why arranged marriage is a good system. First, the fact that divorce rates in India are low is probably misleading. I suspect that the cultural stigma attached to divorce plays just as big a role in preventing divorce as does love or affection between spouses. Secondly, I'm sure there are many, "intelligent, young Indian people" who have views of arranged marriage that contrast with those articulated by Sita and the others. My main argument against arranged marriage in this day and age revolves around India's political status as a democracy. How can the principles of democracy hold up when individuals are not even allowed to pick their own spouses? I also wonder how long this tradition will continue in India in the face of industrialization and many economic changes.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of our views of arranged marriages stem from ethnocentrism. We tend to view it as oppressive, and we don’t fail to see the positive aspects of why it remains an important part of Indian culture. Like the article said, parents don’t force their children into the marriages. They can refuse because a person is “objectionable,” and another partner will be sought. I found it interesting that men and women have very little social interactions with each other. That would make it somewhat difficult to form a marriage based on love like we do here. Sita’s view of American culture also surprised me, and it make me think about how much time we really do spend trying to be attractive for potential partners. In India, the worrying is left for the parents. I also liked what she said about the need for romance and mystery. I think it is possible in America for us to know our partners too well. The romantic aspects can fade over time, and I think that’s a major reason for divorce. I’ve heard many people say that they love each other, but they want the marriage to end because they’re no longer “in love.” The article also made me think about the role my parents play in my relationships. Though my marriage won’t be arranged in the way that marriages are arranged in India, if my parents aren’t supportive of the relationship, it won’t last long regardless of how we feel about each other. It would be interesting to see how Sita's views match up with other people in the process of having their marriages arranged.
ReplyDeleteThis article gave me new insights on why arranged marriage is so important in India. I had always thought it was just tradition and had no clue the process was so long and precise. However, hearing all of the young women's reasoning, it makes sense that arranged marriages work. I knew that the families are a big part of arranged marriages, yet reading the process the author's friend went through, I know now exactly how serious and important every aspect is. It was very interesting that this process does take so long. While this may not always be the case, thinking about all of the factors that go into an arranged marriage, it seems reasonable that this process takes time.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this article. I felt just as Nanda did in the beginning about arranged marriages but as her fried Sita told her why, it made a lot of sense. As the search for a wife began, i didn't think it would be easy but I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was. Whenever Nanda went out to find a match, it felt like this could be turned into a reality game show. I was eager just as she was to see if she would "win" and find that right match for the son. I think I'd really like to participate in helping a family find a match for their son or daughter.
ReplyDeleteAs an American, my natural reaction is to cringe at the thought of arranged marriages, but Sita's perspective in this article shed some light on the process of arranging marriages that I didn't understand previously. She says that the adults account for things that many individuals who chose their own spouses are searching for, such as personality, looks, financial status, and ability to adapt to new situations. The parents who arrange the marriages want their children to have spouses that the children will match well with, and they seem to make decisions based on their personal knowledge of their sons and daughters and how they would best fit with prospective significant others. Although I still wouldn't want my parents choosing a husband for me, I certainly would want their approval so I can understand the trust that Sita feels towards her parents and her confidence that they are choosing a spouse that will be the best match for her. Whether or not the parents seem to have the child's interests or their own interests in mind when making the decision would most likely be an indicator of how sucessful a stratetgy arranged marriages are.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this article and have a new and profound appreciation for how the people of India feel about marriage and the commitment they show in finding a marriage partner. The author allowed me to travel through the processes of finding a wife for a son for her friend Sita and the years of evaluation and consideration of all the possible mates in that final marriage. It is very interesting how we as Americans could learn from this process and the consideration of the person, family, income and harmony attributes that go into making that final decision. The author is right as an American women, I would be screaming and kicking if my parents controlled who I married, but than again if they did would I have not chosen my first spouse and prevented a horrible divorce. We see marriage as what can you do for me and not what can I bring to the marriage. In the article it was interesting that the young men and women in India do not date or have have a social life of members of the opposite sex. The thought of getting to know someone after you are married is contrary to the way we see marriage. Harmony and reputation seemed to be key in India whereas money and occupation seems to be ours. The view that India sees American marriages is correct unfortunately, we divorce and remarrying in months sometimes without regards to the total impact on our immediate family and social ties that the marriage had. As we have discovered the more you are like your spouse the better your chances at success in that marriage. India has made finding a mate, a fine art for apprecation.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed Nanda's change of heart about arranged marriages. When she allowed her American cultural eyes to be removed and seemingly replaced by the realities of Indian culture, she was allowed to see the positivity of arranged marriage. The author not only understood why arranged marriages exist within Indian culture, but she began to praise arranged marriages of traditional American marriages, which I chiefly appreciated. I enjoy that Nanda enjoyed another culture's practice over her own, and even participated within the system by playing matchmaker.
ReplyDeleteHi every one,
ReplyDeleteI am very happy to contact to Shaadimeri why because they had provide quality Matrimony,Shaadi, Marriage,Matrimonial,wedding planner services are good and superb and excellent.
best matrimonial sites in india
Actually, i had found the bitter taste in arrange marriage looking about others life though i am Nepali. But after reading the essay i found strong points which proved me Wrong. People are really happy in maximum number who are arrange married. Love marriage is just happy for moment or short period of time and they get divorced. But i have also seen most of the people who have done arrange marriage are for long .
ReplyDeleteTheir children are much more happy. This essay have also some points which made me disagree that there is no chance to know their spouse before their marriage. Though what Sita in essay did is great and a strong point to show a good example for arrange marriage is the best rather than love marriage. Because only our parents are experienced about life and have understood us rather than all other. So, Obviously our parents can choose the perfect partner for us seeking the religion , castes, education , and all other necessary for healthy and happy life. Though it may take long time to seek for.